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Queen, what are you holding back?

I love to watch Insecure on HBO. Issa, girl you know how to depict the culture! One thing that it makes me reflect on, other than the messiness, is communication and friendship. If you haven’t been watching this recent season I won’t spoil it for you.

In regard to Insecure with this episode (post block party) and the two before (pre and during block party), I just appreciate the realness regarding communication barriers in relationship. I love how they acted it out and the cinematic effects. Especially at the end when Issa is deciding if she should go into the restaurant or not and acknowledge Molly or not. Her choosing not to enter was like her taking a stance to choose her in that moment.

I think we can always debate the benefit of her response but for her character it showed a moment of restraint that we haven't seen from her I took it as her choosing not to be impulsive, which could have worsened the situation, and picking her peace). However, it could have also turned out as a beautiful moment for them to both be honest about their feelings and needs. Just good stuff in my opinion. I am hoping and rooting for them to get open with one another so the relationship can be mended.

One of the biggest things that I notice that can keep me from connecting to close others in my life is communication. Either I am expecting them to read my mind or I am too defensive to lower my pride. In relationship it can be most powerful and connecting when we ask for what we need openly and honestly. When we state our feelings, perspective take, avoid blame, and express how we are impacted vulnerably.

I know that for some of us our backgrounds make it hard to open up honestly about our needs.That can be based in various experiences of not having our needs validated, being shamed for having needs, having or needs manipulated, etc. Take baby steps and choose people you trust to assert your needs with at first. Just because asking can be hard doesn't mean that we shouldn't take the steps to have our beings fulfilled. Just because people may not always oblige our requests, doesn't mean that we shouldn't continue to ask. It just means that we have to accept their right to say no and if necessary make decisions around the relationship or getting our needs met in other ways.

If you notice that someone uses open and honest communication against you then they may not be trustworthy with your gift of relationship. In a growth fostering relationship your communication and authenticity won’t be used against you but will be used to grow in connection with you.

Keep practicing, Sis! In the long run I hope it yields some good results!

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