Lately, I have been feeling anxiety related to updating this page. Even though I have the material. Also, even though I created this as a way to express my experiences while also attempting to make them useful to others.
However, I have noticed a fear of being wrong or of being labeled as not competent. Despite the fact that I do this work with others and am practicing it with myself. Of course there is always more to know and so much to learn, which excites me.
What I have noticed is that my fear of being an imposter or my fear of being seen as not knowledgeable in the eyes of others has caused me to take a step back. It has caused me to move away from my outlet that I also hope is beneficial for other people.
One component of Imposter Syndrome is needing reassurance for everything and always feeling that you aren't quite knowledgeable enough. That is probably the piece that occurs most often for me. Sometimes I dress it up in just wanting to be responsible and to have all of my T's crossed.
That isn't inherently a bad thing but the "bad thing" shows up when I stop producing and stop sharing out of fear. When I am not confident in me until someone else reads it and gives the feedback.
Even when they give the feedback, and usually it is supportive and positive, I am secretly waiting for the negative side. I halfway don't believe them unless there is a negative side. I am bracing myself,..."go ahead tell me that it sucks or tell me to fix that part so I know it won't have errors."
The truth is, Sis...,and Sis is also encompassing me right now, you do know what you are talking about. The experiences are rooted in your truth and your knowledge. There will be times when corrections can be made; however, you'll never know until you put it out there.
Until you put it out there no one can gain from our struggles, stories, and knowledge. Until you put it out there you cannot grow from the exchange of ideas. Until then you, we, I cannot grow past imposter syndrome into our more actualized selves.
Brace yourself in acceptance for what may result and hold yourself in compassion and pride that you took the step. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to shine and own what you have gained in the world. What you have given to the world.
This shit called being human is hard and we are working through it similarly. You can't compare your insides to someone else's outsides (Thanks Dr. Cashwell).
It's okay to need reassurance and feedback sometimes; however, try not to let it stunt you and all the growing you are doing.
So do you and apologize later! Shine on Melanated & Anxious Queens. The world needs our gifts too. Imposter Syndrome and all. If we make a mistake within reason we can fix the tear and life will continue on from moment to moment with new opportunity.